Apr

9

Been through the desert on a horse with no name….

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Life instructions
Besides listening to America recently, as referenced in the title, I have been working hard on reorganizing my time and prioritizing what is most important to me. I have been trying to cut out more time for friends, and in doing so we have a weekly time set up to get together and paint minis and model stuff for our game. We are also trying to get a monthly time to game.
Once upon a timeI have also been trying to carve out time to write, time for myself. I have tried to write everyday in the past and failed. With that failure came defeat, at least in my mind, and caused me to stop trying. I know that I need to keep a solid mindset if I’m going to make it a habit but I also realize that I need to set myself up to succeed. With that in mind, I am setting up an hour to write, the days a week. Monday, Tuesday and Saturday will be the days, as those are the ones I have the easiest time setting up some alone time for me. So starting this Saturday, I plan on writing for at least an hour, most likely someplace away from the family, even if I have to just go sit in my car at the local park. I want to write, it helps free my mind and my soul. It helps me stay stable in my life and gives me a creative outlet to express my inner beast.
P7110009-Grose-Antique-Books-With-Candle-1436X1104This is just the start of my soul searching and the changes I plan on making in my life. We will see what that will bring but I’m hoping that it will give me something that I can look back on a say. “You know what? You made something of your life.” The day I can say that will be the day that I feel truly happy.

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Apr

2

Sometimes I wonder Why?

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Why?Why do I put myself through all the pain? Why does it seem I am destined to be alone, misunderstood or just plain loathed. I know that my family loves me, but I feel that the root is much deeper and has everything to do with myself and not those around me. I set all these goals, and have such great plans for thins I want to do. When push comes to shove, I fold. I never finish what I start. That is the core problem with myself and I have come to realize that. I need to change this, I know I do, but I think I fear to have success and that is why I don’t finish. I am afraid to be worthy, praised as being good at anything. I believe that I am afraid to admit that I have ability or talent. That I am anything but a miserable, loathsome creature.
Pain LoveI think my issues started with my childhood, having to fend for myself all the time and not getting the praise that I child should get from their parents when they do something well. I never had that. In fact I resented when my brother and sister got it, even though I preformed better in school then they did. I needed to recognize my fear so I can move beyond it. I need to finish what I start. I have to not let my own self loathing and fear force me not finish my projects. I now know what I need to change about myself. I have to make these changes if I’m to grow and move beyond the past.

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Mar

16

Been working on some things.

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A friend of mine and myself are working on a web comic. We are setting it up and working on the art of the comic. The title will be Thoughts of a Simple Man. The premise is about a guy who works in a graphic production department and talks to a talking mouse that hangs out around his desk. The mouse may be real may be a delusion, no one knows. A sample of the type of art is located here. Feel free to comment and suggest.

sample

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Feb

20

Another day, another 918 words.

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Ok I did get back to writing last night. I started yet another story, but it was requested that I write it. I have been playing an online pirates game with my friends and they wanted a piece of fiction to put on the Guild Site.

Words:

  • Pirate Story: 918

Other details:

  • Coffee: Only one (maybe two) to get through.
  • Music: Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack
  • Time Writing: 47 minutes
  • Outside Influences: Captain Jack Sparrow: though in a very constructive way, so far.
  • Treat: 2 hours of Pirates of the Caribbean Online, Got me in the mood more than usual.
  • Roadblocks: My son’s (and my) Sensei kept interrupting me. I wrote while my son was in karate class.

    • Today I get to go to a play of Richard the Third. I’m looking forward to it quite a bit. Tonight I plan on writing some more and, hopefully, staying away from the game. I’ve been staying up late playing and I need to take my life back.

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    Feb

    7

    Ahh, cause I worship Mur, but you know that already.

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    My idol, writing wise, I do not intend to try and become a woman anytime soon, The awesome and spectacular Mur Lafferty, has been posting a daily log of her writing and her day while writing. I find that this is an affective way of letting those who follow her (yeah I’m like a puppy) know her progress and gives us an insight into her trials being a full time writer. So I’ve decided to do something similar every time I write to keep the 3 of you who care abreast of my writing and my life.

    Words:

    • New WIP: 1193

    Other details:

    • Coffee: Way to much (see below)
    • Music:Ziggy Stardust, David Bowie. I listened to a lot of music but this one stuck out.
    • Time Writing: 1 hour 30 minutes(or there abouts, I’ll time it next time)
    • Outside Influences: So far just my strange and ample imagination.
    • Treat: 30 minutes of Pirates of the Caribbean Online
    • Roadblocks: A migraine that would beat the band, all day all night in my skull. That would explain the level of coffee intake, which may or may not have helped.

      • In other news my work really sucked today, but what else is new. Busy night though cleaning up and taking my son to karate, which actually gave me 50 minutes of writing time, minus the conversation with the other parents. This is a cool set up and if it works for Mur it will be more than adequate for me.

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      Jan

      4

      Ahh the New Year is here. What am I going to do with it?

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      CalvinSo here I am, already four days into the new year and what am I doing? The same thing I always do, I’m existing. I’ve been existing for so long, I really think it is all I know how to do. I need to make a change. I need to find a way of improving my situation, and my life. I wake every day and I just go through the motions. I do what I need to do and I don’t plan for the next day until it begins. I need to have a plan and I need to change the way I interact with life.

      My first resolution (God I hate that word but it fits here) is to write more. I’ve tried in the past with daily goals and soon, due to the unstable nature of my household, I find that I miss a few days and then I fall out of the practice. This year I am going to try something new. I am setting weekly goals, 3500 words each week. By doing this if I get to write one day and not another I still have time to catch up on the word count and if I fall short by a few I can still catch up during the next week. I’m hopeful that this will keep me writing all year, even if it isn’t every day. If I can do it, I’ll write enough for 2 novels this year.

      Christmas Back Home
      On a more personal front, I want to try and enjoy my life more. I want to spend more time as a family, doing family things. I tired of the every man for himself attitude that has pervaded our home. We all come home and go and do our separate things. We barely know that there are others in the house. We almost ignore each other. I want to try and change this attitude. I want to have family games, that we are all involved in. I want to be a family. I need to be more expressive of that feeling, and all others for that matter. It just bugs the hell out of me when one of us goes to do something and the other assumes that we are gone for the night and goes looking for something else to do. It just needs to stop. I’ve only got a few ideas and hopefully they will work. In the long run I want us to be a stronger family unit.

      Well, thats it. That is what I have for the New Year. Hopefully 2008 will be everything that I believe it can be. I can hope can’t I.

      Oh and a couple more things. I want to stay in more contact with my friends, both online and off. I would also like to go to Balticon this year and meet some of the great minds that infest my online community, that would help make it a perfect year. Just need to figure out the money.

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      Dec

      18

      The result of NaNo and what the future holds for my writing.

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      Calvin and Hobbs WritingOKay I’ve taken some time off after NaNoWriMo to clear my head and refresh my creative juices. I have been concentrating on my family and getting myself straightened out, emotionally anyway. I have been thinking about the story and the way it started to go at the end. I’m not sure that I like the direction it was headed. I’m trying to figure out where the story should go and to finish the writing. Then I need to do some rewrites and some major edits and get the story in line with the direction I thought it would progress. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I think it is all worth while in the end. I am so close to actually finishing a project that I started. When it is done, I’ll be looking for first readers. I have a couple of people lined up but if anyone else would be interested in being a first reader and taking the red pen to my work, please let me know. I think that once I’m done, and if my first readers like the story and think I should, I will podcast the story. So if anyone would like to help me out and be a first reader please let me know. Thanks!

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      Dec

      6

      Update and Apology.

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      The-Only-12-1-2-Writing-Rules-You-Ll-Ever-Need-Posters First the apology. I am sorry for not having posted here in a while. I have been quite busy, mostly with my personal life, but also with my writing ambition. As regular readers will know, I participated in NaNoWriMo 2007 this year. It was my second time doing NaNo, and I did much better this year than last. Lat year my totals were in the 28,000 word range. This year I accomplished much more, and probably could have won, if we had not planned a trip to disney on the 30th of November. I originally hoped I would only lose that day, but it turned out that I lost the last three days of November to packing and getting ready. I am proud of what I did and I really want to finish this novel. I may never do anything with it but I do want to finish it.

      Disney
      On to other matters, we just got back from a five day trip to Disney world. It was fantastic and gave me some much needed bonding time with the family and especially my wife. We have been having a difficult time lately and getting away from the home and just being together really helped, me at least. I hope that my wife feels the same way. The kids really enjoyed the trip. I enjoyed being able to see them so happy and having so much fun. My son loved all the rides, except my favorite, the Haunted Mansion. Overall the trip was great, just very fast paced and busy.I have to say that I enjoyed being a family and that was something I couldn’t really say before. I am putting a lot into my family and I hope that my wife can see that and will do the same.

      So that has been what has occupied my time the past several weeks. I hope to be able to update more often, especially as I start to finish my novel, the title of which is In the Shadow of the Past. Once I finish it and edit it, I’ve been think of podcasting it. We’ll see. I’m not sure if I have anything to offer the world but I would like for my novel to be heard, even if it is never read.

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      Nov

      16

      NaNoWriMo Update

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      Superheroes02
      I am glad to report that I am still on the pace that I wanted to set for myself. At the halfway point of the month I am over 30,000 words. Which surpassed my total for last year. w00t! I also feel the the story has a lot more to tell. I’m not sure that it will be done at 50,000 words which is fine by me. I have been using the technique the Stephen King suggests in his book On Writing. I’ve been slowly uncovering the fossil of the story and have been surprised by some of the decisions of the characters. When I sat down to write this I had a very loose frame work for the story and knew almost nothing about the characters. THey have all evolved into some very interesting and insightful characters. I’m enjoying the direction the story is taking me and seeing the characters change as I unearth more and more of their tale.
      Marvel Superheroes 01
      It has been an eye opening experiment and I think that I may have found a style that works for me. Granted I would need to do more research in the future but for the genre of this book it works as is. I really enjoy writing in the superhero genre, even if it has a very heavy twist to it. I still don’t know how it will end, and I’m excited to eventually find out as the characters tell me.

      NaNoWriMo Progress

      All Superheroes


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      Nov

      5

      Nano Badge

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      My NaNoWriMo Progress

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