May

30

Pinch Me

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Ok, Balticon 42 is over. I’m still recovering I guess. It was the most awesome experience, and to anyone who has never gone, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO! Ok now that that is out of the way, my report from Balticon 42.

I have to first say thank you to Mae and Scott Breakall, and their friend Max. They put up with me all weekend and I can’t thank them enough. I also want to give a shout out to all the great people I met. If I miss anyone please let me know I I will update the list.

First of all Indiana Jim, you are the man. I am so looking forward to hanging out with you next time. Anyone who isn’t listening yet so head on over to the Adventures of Indiana Jim. Great Podcast.

Jett, you are still so cute. ;^). Check out her website here.

Now I move on the the greatest event of the weekend (for everyone). The Singularity. The premiere of episode 4 of Stranger Things. I can’t say enough about the shear awesomeness of this. Earl Newton and Dave Kanter are the greatest guys and Matt “Fucking” Wallace is such a great writer as well as a very cool dude. I would suggest heading over to Strangerthings.tv and checking out the awesome content there.

Now to my personal highlights. I got to see live broadcasts of The Survival Guide to Writing Fantasy and the Geek Fu Morning Show After Dark. I also got to hear readings by Mur Lafferty and Chris Lester. I also got to hear the first part of The Takeover, Mur Lafferty’s new audio Drama. I got to meet great people like Mur, Tee Morris, Chris Lester, Nathan Lowell (though he doesn’t remember me, just kidding Nathan) VividMuse and Choochus from the City of Heroes Podcast, Jared Axelrod and the Beautiful J.R. Blackwell and so many others. I know I missed a few people there but I’ll remember and add them after.

Needless to say I had an incredible time. Meeting all these super creative people really made an impact on me. I highly recommend attending any Con where these awesome people are attending.

You can find my photos from Balticon 42 on my flickr account.

Ok now I want to go back more than ever. All of you guys are so awesome!

Pinch Me from the album “Disc One: All Their Greatest Hits 1991-2001″ by Barenaked Ladies

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May

22

Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out)….The saga of my naughty blog

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As some of you have noticed, Google has marked my blog as a harmful site. Not to worry though I have, with the help of stopbadware.org, I have removed the malicious code and updated the wordpress install. I have submitted my site for review again and hopefully will have the harmful site warning removed. To those of you who are worried have no fear, It has been fixed. I just wish I was more tech saavy with this stuff so I could have nipped it in the bud before hand. As it turns out, wordpress had a exploit, which allowed hackers to insert code in posts. I have updated to the newest version which fixes that and about 70 other exploits, and gone through my posts to remove the bad code. No problems for the future I hope.

I am looking forward to blogging my experiences this weekend. I hope it will be an awesome time.

Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out) from the album “One Fierce Beer Coaster” by The Bloodhound Gang

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May

22

It Ends Tonight

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Pixel ScaredOk I admit it, It Ends Tonight. My fear becomes reality tomorrow as I board a plane and fly to Baltimore. Balticon 42 starts tomorrow. My first Con ever. My first time meeting all the awesome Tribe members who have been so good to me over the past months. I’m scared, scared to death that I’ll do something to make a fool of myself. Believe me I have a easy time doing this. I get flustered when I meet people I respect and admire and there are so many of the Tribe that I respect and admire. Some of their accomplishments I could only dream of. The fact that they can do so much amazes me to no end. I have a hard time just doing what it takes to just live, that it shocks me that they can do so much and still have a great life. I do truly admire them.

ScaredNow I just have to face it and go forward. I hope that I can just be myself when I meet the Tribe. I hope that the fear doesn’t take hold. If it does, well I’ll just have to deal, with turning into a total fanboy. I have put myself at the mercy of my friend (maebreakall on twitter) who has promised to show me the ropes of Balticon, and introduce me to my idols. I can not thank her enough, because I would have no idea what to do. I am hoping to have a great time this weekend, barring any “fanboy” behavior. I’m sure there will be a bit of that, but I’m also sure that I will meet and befriend some really incredible people this weekend.

I’m also looking forward to some alone time for me, try and get my head in the right place so when I come back I can start new and fresh.

It Ends Tonight from the album “Move Along” by The All-American Rejects

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May

20

1,000,000

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I don’t, feel, anything. 1,000,000 miles away.

Thats me, numb. I’m going to Balticon this weekend and I’m hoping to meet all the wonderful people in the Tribe that I’ve gotten to know online. I’m both excited and nervous all in one, which as a result is making me numb. I really want to meet all these wonderfully creative people but I also don’t want to make an ass of myself. I’m prone to saying the wrong thing when I’m nervous and I hate it when I make myself look stupid. Especially when I’m talking to someone I admire (the two biggest ones will be there, Mur Lafferty and Tee Morris) and I make myself look like an idiot. I’ve done in in chats, typing away and my brain turns numb, none of my faculties remain and I just blurt out the first thing that surfaces, which is usually wrong. So I’m praying to whatever gods will hear me. Please, Please don’t let me mess up this weekend. Allow me to be my normal, somewhat funny self. Please. That is all.

1,000,000 from the album “The Slip” by Nine Inch Nails

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May

20

The Last Honest Man

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Hell I know it ain’t me. I guess the point of this post is to say, who really is honest anymore. I know there are those that claim to be honest but I’m sure they have lied or been disingenuous in the name of what they thought was right. I suppose the only thing you can truly be honest with is yourself. You have to be. I know I haven’t been honest with my feelings and it has caused more problems than I could list here. I have trying to honest with myself about my feelings but I’m afraid that it is causing trouble for those around me. I have been more open about my feelings, and dealing with my emotions. I know it is the right thing to do, but I don’t want to hurt my family and my friends. Why are things so damn hard?

The Last Honest Man from the album “Mosquitos” by Stan Ridgway

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May

13

Everything Counts in small amounts…..

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My twitter friend CA Sizemore lost his wife suddenly yesterday. All my prayers and thoughts go out to him and his family at this hard time. The Tribe has put together a fund together to try and help him through this difficult time. If you have a few bucks, even just one dollar, please consider donating to this worthy cause, because Everything counts.

Everything Counts from the album “The Singles 81>85″ by Depeche Mode

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May

7

Come on Eileen

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Confused2Well it has been a while since my last post here. I have been “distracted” to say the least. I’ve been soul searching and it has led to a lot depression amongst other things. I haven’t written a word, or really done anything constructive. I have been escaping. Usually I have been escaping into City of Heroes, so I have become that which I have railed against for so long. I just don’t know. If I start to escape am I as bad as her, if I don’t I’ll end up so depressed that I may just fade away. Then I have to search my feelings and I find that I am so confused about everything. Do I love? Do I want to stay? If I do stay, will things get better or worse? If I leave, am I hurting my kids? Do I make them hate me like I hate my parents? If I leave will it destroy my wife? Will it destroy me? Will it make me better or worse?

ConfusedSo many questions and I don’t know the answers. I really hate my life, and I’m sure that I’m the one to blame. I created this existence for myself. I have people who depend on me and say they love me. Is it wrong for me to want to get away? Will it be temporary or will it be permanent? Still I find more questions and more confusion. I seek professional help and that also leads to more questions and more indecision. I feel like I just need to “do” something, pick one option and choose it, for good or for ill. Quite frankly I’m scared, scared to death.

Come on Eileen from the album “Too-Rye-Ay” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners & Kevin Rowland

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