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Apr
16
I have to say that I am a little bowled over. I figured that Mur Lafferty had only created Icons from her novel Playing for Keeps, for those who directly helped on the project. Which was cool and all, and I did do some local promoting and bought a copy of the book for my local library, but I never expected to get one sent to me. There it was though, in an email from the Author herself. I’m still smiling, probably will be for a long time. I am so grateful to Mur for the outstanding work she has put out, all of her podcasts, and novels are just great. You should check them all out on her new site, The Murverse- all things Mur Lafferty. I just can’t thank her enough for everything she has done, and teh inspiration that she has given me. The awesome Amp is right here and I absolutely love it.
I’m Impressed from the album “The Else” by They Might Be Giants
Technorati Tags: heroes, Mur Lafferty, Playing for Keeps, podcast
Apr
10
Wouldn’t it Be Good
Filed Under Life | Leave a Comment
Sometime life just rears it’s ugly head and kicks you square in the nuts. This was my evening yesterday. Anything that could go wrong did and I didn’t seem to have the right answer to any question. I have just been trying to come to grips with the way my life has turned and to tell the truth, it is very tiring. I have invested so much and changed so much about my life, but it seems the rest of the world around me has gone static. I feel so isolated and alone, even among my friends and my family. I just don’t know if I fit in my own life. I feel like an outsider at times looking in through the windows that are my eyes, on an alien landscape and the mini drama that is my current situation. I really am lost. I don’t know what to do about anything. I know that I need to make things better for myself, but I can’t change those around me. I just hope that I can hang on long enough for everything to get better or that I can know, somehow realize, that it is time for things to change so that I can grow as a person. Ultimately, I hope for the best, but hope is a fleeting thing, at least in my experience. Wouldn’t it be good to have life be everything that you wanted and hoped it would be. I think it would.
Wouldn’t it Be Good from the album “Human Racing” by Nik Kershaw
Technorati Tags: family, fear, life, love, pain
Apr
9
Besides listening to America recently, as referenced in the title, I have been working hard on reorganizing my time and prioritizing what is most important to me. I have been trying to cut out more time for friends, and in doing so we have a weekly time set up to get together and paint minis and model stuff for our game. We are also trying to get a monthly time to game.
I have also been trying to carve out time to write, time for myself. I have tried to write everyday in the past and failed. With that failure came defeat, at least in my mind, and caused me to stop trying. I know that I need to keep a solid mindset if I’m going to make it a habit but I also realize that I need to set myself up to succeed. With that in mind, I am setting up an hour to write, the days a week. Monday, Tuesday and Saturday will be the days, as those are the ones I have the easiest time setting up some alone time for me. So starting this Saturday, I plan on writing for at least an hour, most likely someplace away from the family, even if I have to just go sit in my car at the local park. I want to write, it helps free my mind and my soul. It helps me stay stable in my life and gives me a creative outlet to express my inner beast.
This is just the start of my soul searching and the changes I plan on making in my life. We will see what that will bring but I’m hoping that it will give me something that I can look back on a say. “You know what? You made something of your life.” The day I can say that will be the day that I feel truly happy.
Technorati Tags: D&D, family, gaming, life, writing
Apr
2
Sometimes I wonder Why?
Filed Under Life, Writing | Leave a Comment
Why do I put myself through all the pain? Why does it seem I am destined to be alone, misunderstood or just plain loathed. I know that my family loves me, but I feel that the root is much deeper and has everything to do with myself and not those around me. I set all these goals, and have such great plans for thins I want to do. When push comes to shove, I fold. I never finish what I start. That is the core problem with myself and I have come to realize that. I need to change this, I know I do, but I think I fear to have success and that is why I don’t finish. I am afraid to be worthy, praised as being good at anything. I believe that I am afraid to admit that I have ability or talent. That I am anything but a miserable, loathsome creature.
I think my issues started with my childhood, having to fend for myself all the time and not getting the praise that I child should get from their parents when they do something well. I never had that. In fact I resented when my brother and sister got it, even though I preformed better in school then they did. I needed to recognize my fear so I can move beyond it. I need to finish what I start. I have to not let my own self loathing and fear force me not finish my projects. I now know what I need to change about myself. I have to make these changes if I’m to grow and move beyond the past.
Technorati Tags: family, fear, life, pain, writing