Fear
Posted by Scott on Oct 18, 2007 under Life
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear’s path, and only I will remain.” Paul Atreides, Dune (1984).
I wish I was as strong as Paul Atreides, but fear is the cursed bitch mistress, that I have danced with for far to long. I have allowed her to paralyze me, hold me back and overall keep me from doing what I wanted and needed to do. I have been fearful of making decisions, fearful that in making them, I will hurt those near me. It is really my own doing. I’ve closed myself up, locked my emotions away, for fear of being hurt. Most of my troubles have resulted directly from my fear of confront those I had issues with. My fear is my mind killer. I renders me helpless. Big ol’ me, who could smash a problem to pieces physically. I find myself wanting to run, rather then confront my issues. My fear is more than the little-death, it seems to me to be giant-death and all consuming.
I need to learn from Paul Atreides. I need to face my fears, confront my issues head on. I need to learn to let the fear pass through me, not well up in my soul and paralyze me. I need to learn to bend like a reed in the wind and stand up for myself. I need to face fear’s path, master my fears and only then can I move forward with my life. Only when I am free of fear, can I make something of my life. I need to find the courage to write, the courage to be a better father and husband. I need to find the courage to finally, maybe, be the man I was supposed to be.
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