Thoughts on life and other drivel.
Posted by Scott on Oct 11, 2007 under Life
Lots of life decisions have to be made and I don’t think I’m in the state of mind that I need to be to make them. I know that I need to slow down and not make rash, quick and not well thought out plans, but it didn’t stop me from making a total ass of myself yesterday. I’m down now even though I have no reason to be. I guess I was getting hopeful that I could find some modicum of happiness, and yet again I was just fooling myself. I think that is what bothers me the most right now. The signs were there, and pretty plainly, but I was to “hopeful” to see any of them. Now that I’ve had time to sit back and reflect on everything I’ve done wrong do I see them.
I just need to collect myself, not allow hope, happiness and fantasy to cloud my judgement, and move forward. Try to salvage what I have left I guess is my best option, at least at this time. I don’t know for sure what is best for me in the long run. Maybe happiness is not something I’m supposed to have in my life. I may just have to come to that realization and learn to life with it. Who really knows what the grand scheme of life holds for them. I guess I just have to take each day one step at a time, “in a misty misery!” (quote to Jethro Tull, Flying Dutchman) God I feel like that small miserable kid who just closed out everything and everyone to make the hurt go away.