On the writing front things have been great. The last two days I’ve gotten up early and got to write before the kids got up. I did about 1500 words in two days. Today though I failed to get up. I stayed up late and really didn’t feel well this morning. I still don’t, but I also still went to work. I have been beating myself up all morning about not writing today. A good friend set me straight. I have to thank her for that. I had set up the weekends to be writing free, as I hope to spend more family time and getting things done around the house. I also realize that there are now two days that if I miss a writing day during the week, I can make it up on the weekend. So I’m not beating myself up anymore. I’ll write on Sat. to make up for today.

I just wish I felt better, not exactly sure what is wrong with me, but I’m getting the cold sweats and general crappiness that comes with the flu. I hope it isn’t, there is way to much going on this weekend for me to get sick now.

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I have to say that xkcd has got to be hands down one of the funniest comics out there. I definitely need to read it more often.

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compiling Now my secret is out! Damn what am I going to do now that everyone knows. I guess I’ll have to come up with another excuse as to why I’m slacking off.

Many thanks to xkcd web comic for posting such great comics.

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Though it is hardly work safe. You have been warned.


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To quote a Stan Ridgeway song. It was a lost weekend, but a good one. Just felt it went by way to fast.

Friday night was good, finally no work for 2 days and the Patriots played their first (sort of) football game since the AFC championship game. It was good to sit and enjoy a football game. I know I’m a addict for watching the preseason, but I like to watch where the players are at and see the young guys, who are doubtful to make the team, competing for a spot.

Saturday started off slow. The pool installer was behind a day because of the rain on Friday, so I didn’t get to watch him install my pool. I took it easy and got ready for my first good game night in nearly a year. Finally got to play some fantasy RPG D20 system, in my friend Dave’s world. It was a great night, we accomplished our mission, though I came one save away from dying. The only issue I have with my character, is that I have a serious lack of direction. I just don’t know what he wants to be or do. It makes it hard for me to play him, and do him justice. I just have to try and figure it out, talk to Dave and the other character, Rich, and see if I can figure it out. I just need to find his nitch in the world and I’ll be better off.

Sunday was the day! The installer came and set up my baby, my pool! I will post some pictures later on. It came out great, fills that area of the yard like I thought it would, and I can’t wait until we can start swimming in it. It was about a 5 hour job, though I still have to do the fence around it. He gave us a 100 bucks off the install and after the fact, I figured out why. Each section of fence, and there are a lot, needs to be cut to size. That will take me a while to do, but at least I know that I will do a quality job on it. The water truck comes today and the electrician tomorrow, so by the weekend and hopefully before we will be in it and enjoying it. My in-laws visited that afternoon as the guy was finishing up. My father in law is very much against the pool, so I figured it would be a bit of a “I don’t think you should have done this!” visit. Thankfully it wasn’t. He didn’t even bring up the points he had so many times before. I guess he saw it as it was already in so he couldn’t stop us now. We’ll see how that all works out in the end.

Well, that was my weekend. It went by so fast that it felt like I lost it, but in hindsight, it was really a good one.

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My usual friday blues are here. I really hate fridays at least up until quiting time. I tried to set up a to-do list today and it crashed about my ears when my boss came to me and handed off a bunch of his reports that I had to get done “right away!” This type of stuff plus the fact that he will leave by 2 pm after having only gotten here at 11am, really burns my bacon. I find that I want to do anything but work when he does this stuff. I finished his damn reports a few minutes ago but I’ll take this time to write up a blog post to vent my anger and frustration. I just need to hide the fact that I can do my bosses job faster than he thinks I can, and use the extra time to write or blog or do research for my writing. Speaking of which, Mur Lafferty set out a link to a comic which is exactly how I have been feeling for a bit now.

Sinfest

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It is at times like these when I wonder about my life, where it is going and does it have purpose. I have spent the better half of two weeks worried about my daughters surgery, and the last two days thankful that is is ok and doing fine. It is just moments like this that I find my self introspective and trying to see if my life has meaning. Don’t get me wrong, I know how much I mean to my family and the few friends that I can call friends. I just that when I look at all these great and talented people that I follow on the internet, and compare what they do to what I have been able to accomplish, I feel like such a small and insignificant person. I feel that I don’t have anything to offer the world. I have a great deal inside me, things I would like to do and accomplish but my motivation to do it is lacking. I also suffer from that killer of creativeness, will my stuff be good enough. I’ll never know if I don’t finish something, and I find my lack of confidence is a great hindrance. I just don’t know if I can turn this around and become the type of person I envision, the type of person I admire and follow in podcasts, podiobooks, on twitter or through their blogs. I hope that I can. I hope for a lot of things. I know that I will have to earn my way to be like that and commit myself to that life. I hope that I have the strength of conviction, and power of creativity that these great people have.

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I sit here, it is almost one o’clock and I am absolutely dreading the coming of tomorrow. We will be taking my sweet, little girl to Boston for surgery sometime tomorrow, we still don’t know when. It is eating me up inside. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this, with out complete emotional shutdown. I don’t want to work, write or do anything but escape and hide. Am I normal? I know that I will be there for my little one tomorrow, but right now, I don’t want to be near people, or even hear them. I am a mess. It hasn’t changed anything, my fear of this procedure. It won’t change anything. I just have to be strong and hold my babies hand while she deals with the after surgery pain. I think that is what I dread the most. Her being in pain, me not being able to ease that pain, and her blaming me for it, because I let them do it her. She doesn’t understand that she should have it done, she doesn’t even understand yet that there is something wrong, that the surgery will benefit her in the long run. I just hope she doesn’t hate me after. I don’t know if I could live with that.

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Ahhh, Second Life that lovely game that has made me a widower, and I can only blame myself. I introduced her to this game, cause I thought it would be a cool escape. Especially, considering everything that we both are worrying about right now. My lovely wife, though has taken it to the extreme. I find that when she used to be around and available for conversation that she would rather be on Second Life. I often feel that she would rather be there than with me. It hurts a bit, but I understand the need to escape reality. With everything that is coming up, our daughters surgery, the expense of the surgery (which if insurence doesn’t cover it will be about 18,000 bucks) and the addition of a pool to our property. I understand that she may need to escape from this reality, but I would also like her around to help me deal with all of this. I just feel alone. She has made herself at home in her Second Life, she has friends and is enjoying herself, I though, can really not even get myself to write, or read, or anything else that I enjoy. I am just worrying to much. I just wish that she understood that I need her more than the game.

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