Mar

16

dealing with loss

Filed Under Life | Leave a Comment

Just a quick post to let you all know what has been going on. My paternal grandmother passed away on Wednesday morning. I yet again have to deal with loss though this one was hardly unexpected. She lived a very long and fruitful life, though as the end neared she did not fully recognize her family. I find that I am dealing with this as I have dealt with things all my life. I have been internalizing the emotions and staying the even keel. Not showing how much it bothers me, or the dread I have in explaining to my children the unexplainable. How can I tell them about death when I don’t fully understand it myself. I try to put forth the strong image, the image I believe they wish to see of their father, but inside I struggle with the issues of my mortality and if I will be missed when I am gone. Will my children be as callous as my mother is when planning my funeral. Will they be more motivated by the costs involved rather then grieve the loss of a parent. I just don’t know.

Technorati Tags: ,

Mar

13

What a long, a lloonngggg week

Filed Under Family, Life | Leave a Comment

Where do I start, what should be the beginning, hmmmm maybe the good stuff.

My son competed in his first karate tourney this weekend.Karate Kid He had a great time and did an incredible job. He has a problem going up in front of people he doesn’t know, so I thought for sure he would freeze up or have a tough time. Turns out that my son surprised the heck out of me. He took second place in the weapons group for his age, 3rd place in the forms group and 4th place in point sparring. His first sparring match was against a 10 year old who towered over him. I thought he was going get killed but he held his own and actually scored two points on the much larger opponent. I was so proud of him. He surprises me so much every day.

Now the bad stuff.

Took my daughter to the doctor in Boston yesterday and she is going to have to have surgery. We knew she was headed down that path but yesterdays visit just confirmed it. So we are bracing for it and hoping for the best. Her surgery is scheduled in August and I’ll post more when I know more.

On my health side, I have been feeling worse and worse as the weeks wear on. I’m not sure if it is the medication or the general degeneration of my health. I just know that I haven’t felt well in a long time. I’ll find out more at the doctors tomorrow and hopefully it is something that can be easily fixed. I’ve been a bit down lately and my health hasn’t helped the situation. If it isn’t has really lowered my hopes of surviving to see my kids grow up.

Technorati Tags: , ,

Mar

6

It has been a while….

Filed Under Family, Life, Writing | Leave a Comment

Pills and Capsules
Been going through a bit in my life, changing some things, getting some therapy and the best part (read sarcasm here) the drugs. Been going through a lot trying to cope with the stress of work now that my boss has returned and decided to turn the office on it’s ear. I’m fairly certain that he plans on eliminating me at some point so he can put his girlfriend’s brother in as supervisor.Nepotism He claims that he has no plans on changing my position, but like hell I would believe him. He did the same thing before, to a friend of mine. At this point I don’t really care. I won’t give him any grounds to fire me, and once he does I will put in the call to HO to let them know about the nepotism here. My boss pays his girlfriend to “clean” the office. I have hardly ever seen her here, the dust on the tables and work areas is overwhelming, and the best part, he pays her twice what the other service got, and they actually cleaned.

Add to this stress and worry that I am adjusting to new medications that, quite frankly, are messing me up, and I have not really been looking to post on the blogs, or read any books, or write anything period. I am not liking the way I’ve been feeling and I know that it will take a while before the drugs take affect, but other than a difference in my boiling point (which has been much higher than it was before) I haven’t noticed much of a difference. The drugs have made me tired and made me feel like I’m on cold medication. You know that total woozy and disoriented, the world is out of whack feeling. I have to travel with my son this weekend. He is competing in his first Karate tourney in New Hampshire.
Karate Kid
On one hand I look forward to seeing him compete, he has come so far in such a short amount of time, but I worry about the three to four hour drive. I really don’t know if I can handle it. I am going to try like hell to do it, for him, because it mean so much to him to go. I just have to put on my brave face and be the dad.

Well that covers why I haven’t posted in a while I hope to start doing more soon. I hope to start doing a lot more soon. I want to start writing again, both my fantasy novel and my Vampire book, plus I have a few short stories rolling around in my head. I also want to start getting healthier, I need to for my kids. So I have a lot of things to overcome, but I have so many reasons to do it. I just hope I can.

Technorati Tags: , , ,