You know how life just likes to throw you a curve ball when you least expect it. I had one thrown at me yesterday and boy did I swing and miss. It is now almost a whole day later and I’m still in a bit of shock. Though looking back on my life it does make a hell of a lot of sense, even if I don’t really believe it. I went to the doctor yesterday and after an hour and half at the appointment it turns out that I suffer from MDD, major depressive disorder. It also turns out that I have probably suffered from it since I was a child. Once she explained the symptoms of it, and I sat there saying, yeah I do that, yeah that happens all the time, it really started to hit me. I need help, and a lot of it seems. It isn’t something that can be cured with willpower, god knows if it was I would have been cured a long time ago. I need meds, it is just like my diabetes, it isn’t something that will just go away if I ignore it. I need a lot of counseling and cognitive therapy, whatever that means. I just look back on my life and wonder how much I would have enjoyed better if I had been diagnosed earlier. So now I sit and wonder what else in my life that this condition, which is genetic, or so I’m told, and my father probably suffers from too, has affected. I’ll never know really, I still think that the way I feel is normal and everyone feels this way, even though I’ve been told different. I just have to get better, for the sake of my family and for myself.

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